We understand that as a digital marketer, you are relentlessly positive: you can visualize invisible outcomes and you are curious about every darn thing. You are very much comfortable with taking risks and enjoy selling ideas to others. You have powers beyond comprehension.
We know you, movingly. There are a lot of things that you can do, and that’s for sure. Equally, there are a lot of things you are scared of. It is a common worldview.
Fellows, for your nostalgic pleasure, we have tracked down some unnerving things that sometimes (if not every darn time) get you out of control. No! This isn’t the typical scene of a little girl slashing her mom’s gut. Of course, no!
TOP #10 Brouhaha from Unreasonable Boss
Yeah, pretty hard to start the list? You think? C’mon! Whether the goal is weight-loss, increasing brand awareness up to the Himalayas, gaining zero to hero conversion, or executing a new digital strategy, marketers know that results take time. Hearing the typical client’s or boss’ brouhaha makes you wanna slit their throats open with a Mongol Pencil No. 2. UNSHARPENED.
TOP #9 When he says, “I need that sh#t before the clock’s short hand is on 5!”
When you need to come up with a creative pitch and your boss needs it like yesterday. You hear your boss saying, “F?ck it! No one here gets out alive…” and then you scream, internally. Nope, that cold and uneasy feels ain’t the aircon. That’s probably death approaching.
TOP #8 Turtlespeed Internet
When you have to make it to the 12 midnight deadline for the website launch and you’re peacefully transferring the files via FTP. Yep, almost d-ooooooo-n–n but the Internet starts acting like a diva and loses it! Good darn it! Even Starbucks couldn’t cheer you up, we know. Hush little rhino, we feel the connection.
TOP #7 When someone took it to heart
When you are feeling so creative and wild or when you are trying to be funny and pushing to break the status quo, but some audiences took it to heart— you’re dead.
TOP #6 When your copyeditor just screws everything. Yes, everything.
You pay good money and your copy editor has a natural talent of attracting unwanted troubles and giving odd penchant about things.
TOP #5 SO MUCH…Changes!
Digital marketing is having a moment. Like the Macarena in the mid-90’s, it has gotten so ubiquitous that left some marketers wondering, “Wait, how in the world did this happen?”
TOP #4 Mouthy b*stards on social media
Frustratingly, we cannot avoid mouthy b*stards on social media. People can say bad things about you, your brand, your product, your people. Being there is like allowing people to slash your neck anytime. I can’t think of any better way for a spectacular death than a slasher flick-style demise, anyway.
TOP #3 When your data tracking is screwed!
You want to get out of the dark and creepy maze — everyone does. Here comes data and you jump in with both feet! But you forgot one thing, two or several, possibly: data integration, collection, and reporting. Oh boy, you missed them until they completely imploded at the last possible second of your campaign. Darn, what a night!
TOP #2 Where did the budget go?
Can you have a nightmare when you are fully awake? Mysteriously, none of them saw a thing. Call it budget murder. The case remains unsolved to this day. We’re putting the ball in your court, now.
TOP #1 Ghost Conversion
True horror is to wake up one morning and discover that you’ve reached your budget limit and got, *drumroll* *chooga chooga chooga* Z-E-R-0000000 conversion. We say, “I am Dracula. I bid you welcome.”
Think you can give better tales from the dark? Bring it. Share your scariest digital marketing encounters with us. Reminder though, marketers don’t get scared easily. So make them count.
Disclaimer: If you got hit right in the head, try imagining the world without humor. Can you? Exactly. So peace and happy Halloween!
This article originally appeared on Propelrr Blog and has been republished with permission.