advice, business growth, Business Relationships, business start up, career transition, confidence, creativity, Empowerment, entrepreneurs, Letting Go, Life Strategies, personal brand, personal insight, Psychology, social psychology, Victimhood

You’ve been struggling to start or grow your business, get a job, make a move and/or step away from the same old; same old. You feel as though you’ve painted yourself into a corner and keep finding your way back to status quo.

When is enough; enough?

I mean really! …Your saturation point for frustration, anger, futility, desperation thinking may have reached epic proportions and is dominating your life in not so pleasant ways. How do you find peace of mind? Maybe even a new entry point?

There’s always a point where there’s no where left to go.

I call this place the Circle of Pain. For me, it’s when the situation starts to shape my usually optimistic way of seeing the world. I may start to feel like a victim (poor me) or when I get especially cranky with those I love. On those days nothing seems right. Frankly, it’s not the world, but me who is not right. I have an internal barometer that monitors this place for me and how far I’m willing to go to nurse my circular thinking before I pull back.

I’ve had moments when I visualized a strong arm reaching behind the collar on my shirt, lifting me up and pulling me away from something.

Sounds weird; I’m a visual learner so it works for me. Whenever that moment arrives, there is a point where I can literally feel myself stepping out and observing the situation. This experience is accompanied by a question such as;

“How long are you willing to go on like this?”

That’s when I know I’m starting to get out of my self created corner. I call it my Third Party Observer Mode. When I’m in my Third Party Observer Mode I see situations with a sense of clarity and wonderment that doesn’t exist when I’m in the Circle of Pain. I start to breathe differently and see clearly, decide creatively and experience a deep sense of purpose and peace. Rather than pushing, being angry or frustrated I gently release the inner demons and get a sense that I am in a perfect place full of options, ideas and creative insights.

How do you get to the third party observer mode?

Below I’ll share my secret process.

  1. First I acknowledge that some aspect of my life needs changing or has reached a saturation point where the pain of staying where I am is greater than any imagined fear of the unknown. I understand instinctively that I can no longer maintain the status quo
  2. I acknowledge that my life has become unmanageable and I need to STOP and institute a new way of perceiving or experiencing my life/situation.
  3. I acknowledge that in order to change whatever is tormenting me I must let go of a certain amount of control.
  4. I become ready to let go of control by activating a variety of techniques that interrupt the cycle such as walking in nature; swimming; (movement) talking it out with a trusted friend, mentor or coach; right sizing my perceptions on how change will impact my entire life; ( verbalization) crying and releasing the fear that comes with letting go; (physical) writing (intuitive) or any number of strategies that I developed over the years.
  5. I allow myself to pivot between the first four elements of the process staying in a germinal phase without judging about how fast I need to go.
  6. I discover that I am feeling more detached, resourceful, energetic and peaceful about the situation.
  7. I begin to see creative ways of getting the results I want, rather than adhering to a rigid set of goals that don’t enhance desirable feelings of wellbeing and fulfillment.
  8. Finally, I institute new ways of achieving the results by engaging in new energizing and creative experiences.

This process evolved with years of experimentation and continues to present new opportunities for growth and renewal. If you have a process that works for you I welcome your comments and look forward to an active dialogue with the community on this and other topics of mutual interest.

Here’s to Letting Go!

Thanks Microsoft Office for the great photo via Clip Art.