wolverine twitter bio

Two years ago I began collecting funny Twitter bios. Clearly, I have too much time on my hands. But I’m constantly amazed at the amount of creativity you can fit into 160 characters … and I think when you read these, you’ll agree! Here are some of my recent favorites:

Married to the luckiest man alive. Uh, I mean, *I’m* the lucky one {cough} We have eleventy-billion kids. I wife. I mom. I run. I write.


I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I am joking.

We are building an empire and I have better hair than Donald Trump. He doesn’t know us from a bar of soap, but will once we develop Tait Towers


When I’m not seeking therapy for my Xenuphobia (extreme fear of Tom Cruise) I’m curating the world’s most amazing David Hasselhoff fan site.

Analogue at birth, digital by design.

Author, Self Help Satirist, Poet, Comedian, Playwright, Amateur Penis Model. I’m like an astronaut that’s missing my tronaut. Occasionally NSFW.

I am a life form evolved to live off movies, comics, video games, junk food and snark. Sadly, I will never be a Ghostbuster when I grow up. I am very gucky.

I’m here to avoid friends on Facebook.

My hobbies are breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Wearing the entrepreneur hat this week and starting a new business. great plan of attack but no product yet. a dream told me to find the product in a dream

I’m that actor in some of the movies you liked and some you didn’t. Sometimes I’m in pretty good shape, other times I’m not. Hey, you gotta live, you know?

Any combination of my first and last names you can think of, I’ve probably heard.

I’m a Texan with lots of opinions and pretty hair.

My Indian Princess name is Too Many Stilettos. Love Pack football, food & fashion. I wish people had a brightness setting.

A Caffeine based life-form

I’m real and I hope some of my followers are too.

A force to be reckoned with, I reckon

In search of sleep, sanity, & The Shire

Buoyant, waggish, efficacious, indefatigable, demiurgic, convivial marketing companion, self-made thousandaire

Trying to Think of a Motto Since 1973. Cartoonist, children’s author, songwriter, kazooist, and … oh well, out of words now.


If you’re reading this, then I’m already too late. Humanity has reached it’s final days. Please spend all that time tweeting.

If you loved these bios, you would probably also enjoy the previous editions of this series:

20 of the world’s wittiest Twitter bios

20 of the all-time funniest Twitter bios (part 2!)

20 of the all-time best Twitter bios

20 of the world’s most clever Twitter bios

Illustration: I just made that up.