Last year I started “collecting” great Twitter bios and kind of got hooked.  When I decided to publish “The All-Time Best Twitter bios,” and “The 20 Funniest Twitter Bios,” readers of {grow} seemed to get hooked too!  So here we are with the third edition. These are all real Twitter bios …

@MichaelACaruso

I’ve learned I don’t know anything.  Have also learned that people will pay for what I know.  Life is good.

@ProbablyBaking

Living one day at a time, with a fresh baked cookie. Okay.  And with a coffee.  And maybe some chocolate. But I promise to take my vitamins.

@janefcox

Insert pretentious crap about myself here.

@Mobium

Buddy, can you paradigm?

@Laura_the_Wise

Nerdfighter.  Determined dreamer.  Has ambitions to be crazy cat lady if marrying various celebrity crushes proves impossible.

@Anpehuis

Viestintäpäällikkö, Alexandria Pankkiiriliike Oyj. Yhteisöviestinnän opiskelija @ JY. Salibandyintoilija ja ruokaharrastaja. Twiitit yksityishenkilönä.

(Note this is Finlandish. I don’t know what it says, but get a load of all those letters!  I figure any bio with the word Oyj in it has got to be great.)

@_PenelopeNYC

Coffee-Drinker, eReader Addict, Mom, Blogger.  I’m very busy and important

@BrandBySarah

90% of your problems can be solved by marketing.  Solving the other 10% just requires good procrastination skills.

@hmcdani2

I’m really a giant cupcake.  Afraid of roller coasters and dry ice

@AnonEmus216

I used to love my old twitter account, then everyone from work found me.  This is my new account

@glynette

I have been called a PollyAnna, sugar-coated idealist.  I like to think of myself as more optimistic than that

@TylerLClark

I’m not smart. I just wear glasses.

@billyblogs

I’m real and I hope some of my followers are too

@ThatGuySteve08

HOLY CRAP I’M GOING TO BE A DAD! Oh yea, I work in email marketing & I like craft beer too.

@jfloyd

 I’m just a boy, standing in front of the world, asking you to follow me.

@iMadiD

do not judge me before u know me, but just to inform u, you won’t like me

@karenrclark

I’ve never been a millionaire but I just know I’d be darling at it

@stndotsidurself

A human. Being.

@Rhymetime24

Why talk when you can mock? Why hide your Face like I got Mace? Is it all an act or just a Fact. Maybe if you didn’t drool, you’d be cool. Ran out of room boom

@kamazonia

I’m a Basset Hound aficionado with a mouth like a Syphilitic sailor.

BONUS CONTENT!!

As I scoured the Twitterverse for the most clever bios, I also found some pretty bad ones, too! But they are also funny in their own strange way.  I don’t want to embarass anyone so I’ve removed the handles, but I couldn’t resist some of these clunkers:

  • Fascinated by transactional nature of counterknowledge & public discourse in socially mediated spaces which simulate (but don’t engender) counter-public spheres
  • follow me
  • I’m indifferent to most items on the planet. Some people call me a Social Media Guru. I don’t correct them.
  • I have a dream to gain the freedom to help people Through new products, helping then grow through experiences and achieving their dreams and their freedom
  • Job Opportunity Promoter,  I follow back for FREE!!!
  • hello my sexy armadillo.  I’ll follow back esp if youre irish

Well, as a matter of fact, madam … I am.  : )