Last year I started “collecting” great Twitter bios and kind of got hooked.  When I decided to publish “The All-Time Best Twitter bios,” and “The 20 Funniest Twitter Bios,” readers of {grow} seemed to get hooked too!  So here we are with the third edition. These are all real Twitter bios


I’ve learned I don’t know anything.  Have also learned that people will pay for what I know.  Life is good.


Living one day at a time, with a fresh baked cookie. Okay.  And with a coffee.  And maybe some chocolate. But I promise to take my vitamins.


Insert pretentious crap about myself here.


Buddy, can you paradigm?


Nerdfighter.  Determined dreamer.  Has ambitions to be crazy cat lady if marrying various celebrity crushes proves impossible.


Viestintäpäällikkö, Alexandria Pankkiiriliike Oyj. Yhteisöviestinnän opiskelija @ JY. Salibandyintoilija ja ruokaharrastaja. Twiitit yksityishenkilönä.

(Note this is Finlandish. I don’t know what it says, but get a load of all those letters!  I figure any bio with the word Oyj in it has got to be great.)


Coffee-Drinker, eReader Addict, Mom, Blogger.  I’m very busy and important


90% of your problems can be solved by marketing.  Solving the other 10% just requires good procrastination skills.


I’m really a giant cupcake.  Afraid of roller coasters and dry ice


I used to love my old twitter account, then everyone from work found me.  This is my new account


I have been called a PollyAnna, sugar-coated idealist.  I like to think of myself as more optimistic than that


I’m not smart. I just wear glasses.


I’m real and I hope some of my followers are too


HOLY CRAP I’M GOING TO BE A DAD! Oh yea, I work in email marketing & I like craft beer too.


 I’m just a boy, standing in front of the world, asking you to follow me.


do not judge me before u know me, but just to inform u, you won’t like me


I’ve never been a millionaire but I just know I’d be darling at it


A human. Being.


Why talk when you can mock? Why hide your Face like I got Mace? Is it all an act or just a Fact. Maybe if you didn’t drool, you’d be cool. Ran out of room boom


I’m a Basset Hound aficionado with a mouth like a Syphilitic sailor.


As I scoured the Twitterverse for the most clever bios, I also found some pretty bad ones, too! But they are also funny in their own strange way.  I don’t want to embarass anyone so I’ve removed the handles, but I couldn’t resist some of these clunkers:

  • Fascinated by transactional nature of counterknowledge & public discourse in socially mediated spaces which simulate (but don’t engender) counter-public spheres
  • follow me
  • I’m indifferent to most items on the planet. Some people call me a Social Media Guru. I don’t correct them.
  • I have a dream to gain the freedom to help people Through new products, helping then grow through experiences and achieving their dreams and their freedom
  • Job Opportunity Promoter,  I follow back for FREE!!!
  • hello my sexy armadillo.  I’ll follow back esp if youre irish

Well, as a matter of fact, madam … I am.  : )