I think the Rolling Stones got it wrong. You can always get what you want. There’s no reason why you can’t. None that I can think of anyway. All you really have to do is ask.
I know that sounds simple. It is. Kind of.
Whatever it is that you want. A new career. A relationship. Some new toy. Money. It doesn’t really matter what. There is someone out there that already has it. And if there is someone out there that already has it, then there is no reason why you shouldn’t be able to get your grubby little paws on it.
There’s just one difference between those that have and those that have not. Those that have, asked. That’s it.
While you were busy whining about it. Beating yourself up over it. Resenting them for having it. And pretending like you didn’t want it. They asked.
While you were busy getting frustrated over it. Giving up on yourself. Making excuses. And blaming others for your place in this world. They asked.
While you were busy settling for second best. Looking for the easy way out. Finding fault. And feeling bad for yourself. They asked.
They asked. You didn’t.
And even if you did ask, I best you asked the wrong questions. Or the wrong people. Or both.
So, what should you be asking and who should you be asking it to?
Ask Yourself Better Questions
Whether you realize it or not, you ask yourself questions all day long. Unfortunately, the questions you tend to ask yourself…how can I put this gently…suck. Any of these ring a bell?
“How could I be so stupid?”
“Why don’t they like me?”
“Why does this always seem to happen to me?”
Ask yourself these questions enough and your brain will start to search for an answer. And the answer it is going to find is not going to be “because you’re awesome!” It’s going to be something crippling. Something that is going to push you farther and farther away from your goal. Which will only justify these disempowering questions you keep asking yourself, thus creating more. And the pattern continues.
What if you were to change the questions that you asked yourself? What if you were to ask yourself more empowering questions? Even if things were falling apart. Your brain is going to find an answer one way or another. It might as well find an answer to the question “what is great about this?” rather than “why me?”
It’s simple. But it’s not going to happen by default. Not at first anyway. When the time comes you are going to revert right back to that comfortable place where those ugly questions live. Don’t. Force yourself to answer one of these questions instead:
“What is great about this?”
“What can I learn from this?”
“What am I going to do about this?”
Eventually it will become second nature. When it does you will thrive each time you come face to face with a new challenge as you get closer and closer to your goals.
All because you asked yourself the right questions.
Ask Someone Who Has What You Want
I’m a big believer in modeling. No, not that type of modeling. I don’t have the legs for it. I am talking about modeling someone who has what you want. Picking apart how they got it. What road they took to get there. Figuring out who they had to be in order to get it.
Then do those things and be that person.
For example. If I make a killer chocolate chip cookie and you would like to be able to make that same cookie, does it make sense to go to the store to buy some ingredients and haphazardly throw them in a bowl? Hope you come close to the right ingredients and correct amounts? Or would it make more sense to just ask for my recipe? With my recipe, you would be able to easily make the exact same cookie. And all you had to do was ask.
Life is no different.
Learn from those before you. Study them. Ask them questions. Figure out the road they took.
I have read hundreds of books and blogs. I have attended dozens of seminars and conferences around the country. I have listened to a 160GB iPod full of audio books. If you have ever been to a conference with me, I am the first guy in line behind the mic when it is time for the Q&A. I don’t go to book signings for the autographs, but to ask questions.
I listen more than I speak. I am a lifelong student. I am forever asking questions. I am forever seeking answers. And I will never stop.
Just ask some of the people I look up to most.
When All Else Fails, Just Ask!
Sometimes you just need to ask. Ask for the job. Ask for the check. Ask for help. Ask for a better deal. Ask for a chance. Ask for his hand in marriage. Just flat out ask. You’d be surprised. Sometimes, there is someone out there just waiting for you to ask.
A couple of days ago I asked.
I want to get my blog in front of 10,000 sets of eyeballs. My goal is to change peoples way of thinking just a little bit. It’s why I write. So I asked. I posted this Tweet:
If you haven’t subscribed yet, what are you waiting for? There is a big blue box and everything? It’s calling you! GO!! buff.ly/LWAfMh
— Marc Ensign (@MarcEnsign) July 29, 2012
And a funny thing happened. A bunch of people subscribed within a few minutes. Not hundreds. Not thousands. A bunch. Plenty. More than I thought would. And all I did differently was ask. Apparently there were people out there just waiting to be asked. Had I not asked, I would not have these new people join my little family. And help me get close to my goal.
That’s proof enough for me.
Now It’s Your Turn
As I mentioned earlier, I ask a lot of questions. But now it’s your turn. In the comments below, how about you ask a question? It could be for me or for the community. It could just be open to anyone that might have an answer. It could be ridiculous. It could be serious. I really don’t care what it is.