Football transfers are becoming the most painful, eye-watering, laughable, disastrous, shameful, banal, scandalous processes in the modern world! I’m 22-years-old and I’m finding myself looking back to the good old days with a sense of nostalgia, verging on grief!

Everyone remembers when Zinedine Zidane made the move from Juventus to Real Madrid in 2001 (unless you were under 8, or indeed not born, when it took place). He made the switch for, what was then, a jaw-dropping fee of £48m. That was outrageous! But it was justifiable in that he was the footballing world’s most elegant, naturally gifted playmaker. On top of this, he was moving from an Italian giant to the Spanish behemoths. It was a move which demanded a colossal price tag.

Little could we have known that a decade later, £43 million would almost be enough to buy you a Fernando Torres. Admittedly, he was probably Europe’s most feared striker just prior to his switch from Liverpool to Chelsea – but with the benefit of hindsight Torres is quite comfortably the most expensive flop in Premier League history, probably of all time.

The start of this crazy spending by football clubs was in the summer of 2009 when Manchester United accepted an £80 million bid from Real Madrid for their star-man, Cristiano Ronaldo. This was just eight years after Zidane’s transfer and shows the exponential growth in inflation of footballers’ price tags.

Now I could go on to list all of the stupidly expensive transfers to have occurred over the last few seasons – for example, Gareth Bale’s, Luis Suarez’s, Falcao, David Luiz, James Rodriguez, Neymar – but that would be pointless. For me the transfer in recent times which shows how ridiculous football transfers have become is that of Ross McCormack from Leeds to Fulham. Ross is 29 and has had one decent season in the second tier of English football. He is not moving up a league to one of the notorious ‘big-spenders’, nor is he going to get any better throughout his career. Nevertheless, he was purchased by Fulham for £11 million.

Why can’t football go back to how it used to be before money came and ruined the sport? I want the days when proper footballers wore black boots and £15 million could buy a brilliant, top-class striker. When players weren’t paid to wear pink boots or luminous yellow, socky-booty-cottony devices on their feet. When strikers didn’t throw themselves to the ground in the penalty area, and people didn’t pretend they’d been head-butted during handbags on the pitch. When royalty from the Middle East didn’t own football clubs. There aren’t any real characters anymore, football has gone rubbish and I’m tired of it. The problem is money, it’s made our game boring.