Granny has been busy since she last stopped by. She’s been tweetin’ and learning about online relationships. She dropped by recently to share some updated words of advice regardless if we want to hear them or not.
Granny’s 40 Tips for Good Social Relationships
1. Everyone who follows you ain’t yer friend.
2. Ya’ gotta be a friend to get a friend.
3. Give more than ya take and don’t expect anything in return. It’s like when I take brownie’s to Glady’s house. I know she can’t cook so I really don’t want anything back. It’s the same but not if ya’ know what I mean?
4. Don’t trust everyone ya meet. There are twerps, twiars and twerks hidin’ behind good avatar pics.
5. Don’t spend all day talkin about yourself. Give other people a chance to brag about themselves too.
6. Don’t confuse hashtags with hashbrowns. Hashbrowns are for eatin’ with grits. Hashtags are for tweetin’ with grits.
7. Don’t tweet and drink moonshine. Ya might regret it in the Mornin.
8. Wear clothes in your avatar photo unless you are trying to attract a pimp.
9. Nobody is gonna call cops on ya if ya use a hashtag. It’s not that kind of hash.
10. Don’t be stupid and click links from people ya don’t know. Same as drinkin’ out of that bottle cousin Walt carries around. Last time I did that I fell down after dancin on the table at Juanita’s gettin hitched party.
11. Don’t fake it. Even blind as a bat uncle Bart can spot them fake twitter twerps.
12. Be nice to them newspaper tweeps. Remember uncle Bernie use to be one. He even lost a finger thanks to that stupid typewriter. I bet those journalists are happy to have an iPhone and Hootsuite.
13. Don’t get yer granny panties in a bundle over them mean bullies. They ain’t worth it. Ignore em’ if you can control yourself.
14. Don’t ask people to retweet ya all the time. It’s almost as annoying as how your grandpa use to ask me to watch Benny Hill show with him all day.
15. Transparency does not equal telling everyone everything you do in every room of your house if ya’ get what I mean?
16. Relationships take time. Not everybody wants to be your BFF at first tweet.
17. If ya meet a good lookin member of opposite sex don’t lose yer mind and be a stalker twerp.
18. Do not sell your tweet soul to the Klout score. If yer online behavior is driven from a goal of gettin’ high scores only then you might just wind up with a high score and no friends.
19. Just because the word authenticity is getting over used in social circles does not mean ya don’t need to do it.
20. If ya send auto DMs ya are more of a twerp than a tweep.
21. Don’t block yer competitors on Twitter. Makes ya look like a fool. They can still see yer tweets anyway. If ya got that much time to worry about yer competitors seein’ yer boring tweets, you got bigger problems.
22. Find people ya like and be nice to em. Not rocket science.
23. Don’t be a twitter snob. Ya’ don’t have to make every decision based on a hashtag, influence score or twitter handle.
24. Look in the mirror once in awhile. A shower will do ya’ good. There is life outside of Twitter. Remember?
25. Be nice to newbies. You were once one too.
26. If ya lose some followers get over it.
27. If ya record a video to share with yer online friends, please clean the room behind ya!
28. Don’t tweet and drive. If ya’ gotta live life on the edge then I’d rather see ya’ tweet and potty even though it’s not good etiquette. Bathroom tweets are safer than road tweets
29. If ya don’t got anything interesting to tweet about then don’t tweet.
30. Don’t call the cops on those dummies who send “join my mafia family auto DMs. If you really believe they are in the mafia you are just as gullible as Gertrude who bought that ocean front property in Arizona!
31. Tweet how ya want to be tweeted.
32. Don’t be a bossy tweeter. We all tweet different. If it works for you then who cares what anybody else thinks or what yer neighbor is doin’.
33. Do not share secrets on twitter. Even though it may seem like a 1:1 conversation in your own private twitter chat room, it’s not.
34. Make new friends but cherish the old.
35. Don’t get too big for yer Twitter britches and forget your offline friends.
36. If the question is to tweet or not to tweet, when in doubt do NOT tweet. You might end up doing something real stupid.
37. Take time off from tweetin’ to make and eat good healthy food with veggies & protien like cornbread and fried chicken. Ya need the protein.
38. If ya learn good stuff on twitter don’t be a hoarder. Share it.
39. Don’t forget where ya came from and start judgin’ people by their number of followers or influence score.
40. If yer new to Twitter you ain’t a dum dum just because ya’ don’t know how to tweet yet. Don’t worry sweetums, it will come. If Granny can do it, anybody can!
Want More Granny?
See Granny’s original Social Media Tips “50 Tips Granny Never Told You About Twitter & Social Media Etiquette”