Odyssey

Odyssey

It’s a special day for all “Parks and Recreation” fans: it’s time to treat yo’ self! Today is Treat Yo’ Self Day, the yearly holiday that all shoppers can appreciate. It’s a day to indulge in luxuries, such as fine leather goods, massages and mimosas.

To celebrate the best day of the year, treat yo’ self to 11 of Tom Haverford’s best (or ridiculous) start-up ideas.

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1. The Whine & Cheese Club

What’s better than meeting at a regular wine and cheese club? Going to a whine and cheese club, of course! There, you can gather monthly to vent about what annoys you at work, complete with fine wines and cheeses. (Don’t tell Human Resources)

2. Eclipse

It’s a nightclub that’s only open for one hour, two times a year. “Cover charge? $5,000.” If that’s not good business, I don’t know what is. We wonder what the sharks from “Shark Tank” would think of that business model…

3. Contact lenses that display text messages

Sure, it sounds a little dangerous, but talk about your wearable technology! Aside from the fact that it would add a whole new layer to distracted driving given that you need your contact lenses to drive, it’s a pretty solid idea. Just don’t make it a habit to double text.

4. Sparkle Suds

Who doesn’t want to add a little sparkle to their wardrobe? Well, with Sparkle Suds, you can. Just throw it into the washer and…boom, you’ve got yourself some clothing with glitter washed right into them. Dress loud and proud.

5. Disco Dairy

Again, who doesn’t want to add a little sparkle to their life? Putting it in a food like butter might not be the best approach but the tagline “Spread the Party” sure sounds fun.

6. Talking Tissues

Everyone needs some positive affirmation in their life, especially when you have a case of the sniffles. Just pull out a tissue and the box will brighten up your day with phrases such as, “Blow that nose playa” and “step up your vitamin C game, bro!”

7. Rent-a-Swag

What tween or teen doesn’t need fancy clothes every once in a while? Choose from a huge selection of “the dopest shirts, the swankiest jackets, the slickest cardigans, the flashiest fedoras, the hottest ties, the snazziest canes and more!” I think we can all agree this is a great idea. Add in his ideas for a tuxedo line for babies and toddler cologne, and the whole family is taken care of in one fell swoop.

8. Snail Mail

This escargot delivery service might not have much practical use, but it could go the route Cards Against Humanity took and use it to send snails to your enemies. (Except Cards Against Humanity sent poop).

9. SnakeJuice

To be fair, it only kind of tastes like Kahlúa since Tom just threw a whole bunch of drinks together to make one weird, high-end liqueur. He simply “mixed a bunch of alcohol together, and some sugar and coffee, and a bunch of other junk, and it kind of tastes like Kahlúa.” You might want to be a little skeptical about the drink but it puts a whole new twist on the phrase, “It’s five o’ clock somewhere.” Pair SnakeJuice with Yogurt Platinum and you have one classy meal.

10. Know Ya Boo

You know you’d have people lining up to participate in this couples game show, where contestants are asked “scandalous questions and they have to guess what the other one answered.” It’s like “The Newlywed Game” but better.

11. Entertainment 720

“Love fades away. But things…things are forever.” Live out your dreams at Entertainment 720, an entertainment media conglomerate that’s really just a place to spend lavishly. But isn’t that the point of Treat Yo’ Self Day? We think so.

Tom Haverford’s Ridiculous Start-Up Ideas

Which Tom Haverford start-up idea is your favorite? Sound off in the comments section below!


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