Connor BrookeWhat do a persuasive speech and my high school first aid class have in common?
Imagine you are walking down a crowded city street, a rush of cars going by and the smell of pollution burning your nostrils. A smart dressed man in his mid-40s is walking in front of you. Stops abruptly. Collapses to the ground. You drop to the ground, feel for a pulse – there is none. You start performing CPR and yell “Somebody call 911.”
No one moves. No one takes out their cell phone. They just stare blankly back.
Why? Why didn’t anyone do something?
Simple. In a crowd, people believe somebody else will take action. The more people there are, the less likely they will act.
In high school first-aid class I learned that if someone is hurt and there is a crowd standing around, you point at one person and say “You call 911.” You give one person the responsibility of making the call. That person knows he is on the hook. He takes out his cell phone and calls.
Why do I bring this up?
A few weeks ago, I asked you what’s the most important word in any presentation? (Hint: The answer is “you”)
The feedback I got on that post was overwhelmingly positive. I also took some flack for it. Some told me that using the word “you” was too direct. You is accusatory. The audience will think you are preachy or a better than them. Clearly some people had a problem with “you” (well really me in this case).
I was told NOT to use “you”. Use “we” or “us.”
I realize that “you” is terrifying. Asking directly for what you want makes your vulnerable. You might get rejected. No one wants to be rejected. You hedge. You soften our language. However, if you use “we” or “us.” you might as well address your audience as somebody. “We” increases the odds of inaction and guarantees rejections. The point of speaking is to inspire action!
“We” sucks, kills your persuasiveness, and this is why.
Who the heck is we anyway?
Who is the “we” you are referring to? Are you referring to the “we” that is your family? The “we” that are your colleagues at work? Who is “we”? If the audience doesn’t see themselves in your speech, they don’t think you are talking to them. They will not identify with ubiquitous we. When you say “we”, it’s easy for an audience member to say “not me”.
We is patronizing
Have you ever had your doctor ask you “how are we today?” Really, I don’t know how “we” are, but I can tell you how I am, and I’m feeling a bit patronized. In speaking, “we” transforms those amazing individuals in your audience into one faceless mass. “We” takes away individuality, personality and depersonalizes all of those people who showed up for your talk. We shows that you don’t care about those individuals as super awesome people.
We does not act
A “we” does not take action. Individuals take action. If you want your audience to take action, you need to ask the individual person. Remember no ask – no get!
Let’s say you just gave an amazing talk. The audience hung on your ever word. Then you say, “If we liked this talk, we can pick-up a copy of my book.”
Not only does that sound weird – no one is going to buy the darn book.
If you don’t metaphorically point at the audience and ask those 100 individual you’s to do something. No one will.
You is persuasive. You is personal. You is engaging. Be brave. Let yourself be vulnerable. Ask for what you want! The we won’t give it to you, but a you most certainly will.
What say you? Leave your thoughts in the comments below. (Wouldn’t it had been totally lame if I asked “What say we?” Yeah, you know it would).
photo by: extranoise
This article was written for Business 2 Community by Connor Brooke.
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YOU are correct in what YOU say. In order to be politically correct, sensitive, etc, we often get scolded for being direct and using words such as YOU. I prefer using the words like YOU, that way there is no misunderstanding who is to do that task. That is direct and to the point. If your feelings get hurt because someone points to you and says “YOU call 911!” then you need to wake up.
Absolutely Ray! In leadership, it important to be direct and let people know what they are on the hook for. If you don’t say, “You do the report,” then no one will do the report!
You are absolutely correct that using the second person, “You” while speaking to an audience is the most effective form of address. This is true for American audiences, anyway. It should be noted that in certain other cultures, such as Korea where I am living, people often think of the first person as “we,” using the group collective as a personal reference point, so in this case addressing the audience as “you” might not be considered appropriate. But for audiences in America I totally agree with you.
That’s a good point about intercultural differences. In collectivistic cultures, the “we” always come first. People define themselves as part of the group. The I/you is secondary. Your comment shows the importance of knowing your audience and their cultural differences. Thank you for pointing that out.
“You” is great for direct action, but when giving advice on a website intended for all English-speaking folks (native or second-language), “we” often sounds better. Which do you prefer, Michelle? “We all need to be polite” or “You need to be polite.”
Honestly, you need to be polite. Because we -gives me a way out. I’d think – surely Mike isn’t talking about me. He’s talking about those other people.
You need to be polite is more powerful, directive and there is no doubt about who you are talking about.