Connor BrookeYou know when you answer the phone, because you’re expecting a call from a client or friend, and the unfamiliar voice on the other end says: “How are you doing today?”
Immediately you know that the caller does not give a fig about how you are. Sometimes I reply with too much information about my clogged sinuses, lady parts or pretend cancer.
Don’t ask me how I am
Usually, though, I say “Fine. What are you selling?” On the off chance they could be selling something I’m in the market for. Otherwise, why are they wasting time pretending to care? The caller may gasp, as if “selling” were a dirty word, solemnly insisting that “no” this call is not about sales but a chance to save a child, an endangered species, money on my cell phone bill or to maximize my investments, sales, home value or mileage.
Another giveaway is name-mangling. If you are my friend, or even an online acquaintance, you know that I go by Barb, not Barbara. My last name, Sawyers, should not be difficult for anyone who read, or heard of, Mark Twain’s classic Tom Sawyer. Sadly, it is. In the rest of the world, where many of these calls originate, this unfamiliar name inspires “Swayer” and similar fumbles. Please, get it right or don’t say my name.
Don’t say my name
Because this name-use is fake friendly, I don’t follow the advice of email marketers, who insist that my newsletter should start with “Hello, Susie” or whatever. I assume that all my subscribers are smart enough to know that this an email list. The true friends know who they are.
Then there are the marketing emails that fake friendship by leading with hollow small talk, usually a comment on the weather or season, reminiscent of those mimeographed letters my aunt in Manitoba used to send everyone who’d left the prairies. Or maybe they took that old sales course that insists that weather is the basic commonality for striking up a conversation.
Don’t talk about the season
Here’s an example I received from a self-proclaimed internet marketing expert last month, when the kids were still in school and summer had been officially underway for only a couple of days. “How’s your summer going? Did you manage to get some rest? If you are still planning to or if you are already back, our summer publishing contest is quite timely!”
Does he really care if I got some rest? And does he think I would continue the conversation with someone who asks if I’m still planning to or already back? Piss off.
Then there’s this one: “We are rapidly approaching the halfway mark of 2012 and what a busy year it has been! Here in London, we’ve already survived the treacherous rains during the Jubilee and the Olympic madness is just around the corner.”
Don’t tell me what I know
Keeping in mind that I am ploughing through at least 50 emails, why are you telling me that we’re halfway through 2012? I know. I also know about the rain and the Jubilee and Olympic madness. We get British news in Canada. Do you think I care about you, whoever you are? Even if you were a distant relative, I would be getting impatient, waiting for you to ask if your nephew could crash at my place in Toronto or some other point.
My point is that strangers should not pretend to be friends when they are phoning or emailing me. I won’t know if I’m interested in the contents of their message until they get to the point. So hop to it, before I hang up the phone or close your email. Selling is not a dirty word, unless you pervert it with fake friendship.
Even with friends, I like to know the point of the email right away. Is this a stupid chain letter I don’t have to open? A funny video I will get back to when I need a break? An urgent request? An invitation to dinner? My smart friends put it in the subject line or first sentence, then ask me about my weekend or whatever later. Live conversation may follow because we are already friends.
Not even Facebook friends
So phone jockeys and email marketers, and the people who write for them, please remember that we are not friends. Not even in the Facebook sense. You need to hook me in a few seconds by informing me of the point of your message and why I should care. You can communicate in a friendly style, but don’t pretend a mass email or phone campaign can create true friendships.
That is my point. What’s yours?
This article was written for Business 2 Community by Connor Brooke.
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I’m surprised they approved this article for publication on this site. This is more of a personal rant and not informative in any way. It is also unlikely to get marketers to change their tactics, which means it has little to no value whatsoever.
To the site editor: please raise your standards. Pieces like this are a waste of time.
Content marketing is based on authenticity and trust. If one marketer has second thoughts about faking friendship, this post has served a purpose. Yes, it was rant, but with an important point.
I now understand the reason why some marketers advice to maintain separate personal and business blogs, even if your are at SME with a dozen or so employees?
An individual’s view may sometimes be misinterpreted to represent the company’s. As a business you try and be personal with your customers, but do not rely on your emotions to drive the business.
Does the writer’s view indicate that the top people in the marketing industry believe that selling on the phone or email marketing can just be done with a computer – just completely remove the human element, and produce standard material for everyone?
The author should clearly indicate that this article is based on their personal views, because she may have had a really bad day / experience, so tries to vent her frustration and emotions in the form of words; You can write articles when filled with emotions, by wait till the next day when you’ve calmed down to see whether it is appropriate, and don’t just publish stuff like this.
What exactly are you advocating?
I agree with Tony – This was written to release your frustration rather than provide a meaningful framework of what marketers should do.
I believe that the human element is crucial – we should be able to relate to the customer, otherwise how are we going to tell them that we are adding value to their lives when we have no idea about their lifestyle, the problems they face, etc? We have to seem human – after all, we are selling to humans, who have emotions, and feelings and appreciate people taking the effort to understand them. Maybe you are different, but I am pretty sure that it is more impressive to take the effort to learn about someone rather than write a plain letter to everyone.
My meaningful, calm advice: Be honest. Don’t use tricks like using the customer’s first name, especially if you mispronounce it, to fake intimacy. Like you said, make the effort to learn about someone. Pretending will undermine your credibility.
I guess that is right
If you are finding about your customer for the purposes of understanding how the product will directly benefit them – it shows a marketer who understands their target market
On the other hand, I think what you were complaining was abiut the fact that you dispised people who get information such as your name and other basic details, not for the purpose of trying to actually sell you something that will actually help you – but rather to get to deceive you emotionally.
Your tone seemed to be just a rant, but I see that you are not in favour of marketers getting to be your Facbook “friends” and getting to know your name, etc – just for the purpose of trying to make you feel like they care, although they may not really understand you buying patterns, wants, needs, issues etc.
So you are against marketers or salesman using your name (or trying to get close to you) as a false pretence – to make you feel that they understand you and how their product will genuinely change your life for the better, when in reality, it is just a veil of deception.