I talk a lot on this blog about how to attract new customers – how to draw them in and nurture the relationship until it is time to close the deal. I thought we could all use a smile this week, so today, just for fun, I thought we could talk about the customers that you don’t want to have. After all, every experienced business owner and executive knows some customers cause nothing but headaches. This tongue-in-cheek infographic from the Website Group lists four different “species” of bad customer – and gives you tips on how to deal with them!

Type #1: The ‘Know-It-All’ Hero.

Have you ever had anyone treat you as though he or she knows your business a thousand times better than you? Then you’ve met the ‘Know-It-All’ Hero – and you know that their constant interference and ‘advice’ will drive you up the wall. Thankfully, these customers are not too common – but if you do end up meeting one in the wild, your best bet is to treat them with patience. Make them feel as though you are considering what they have to say, and you’ll be just fine.

Type #2: The ‘Ninja’ Snooper.

Though rare, this type of customer can be a real waste of your time. The Snooper is not really a customer but a competitor of yours, or at least someone who would like to be. They’ll let you chat them up and pitch them, but all they are after is information about what your company offers! You should be flattered – but also feel free to send them on a goose chase if you feel so inclined.

Type #3: The Penny Pincher.

This is one of the most common types of customers and one of the most annoying. You could offer them a deal so extravagant that would leave you sleepless for a week, and they would still try to haggle for a bigger discount. If you dare to negotiate with one of these creatures, make sure that you do not get drawn into closing a deal that is unfair to you and your company.

Type #4: Langry (Loud & Angry).

The worst of all customers, the Langry is pretty well described by their name. Not only are they having a bad day, but they want to ruin yours as well. If they have a problem, you can pretty much guarantee that they will hold you responsible for it – and nothing will truly make them happy. Just try to bear with them and stay calm, but don’t be afraid to cut it short if they get too aggressive.

Just for fun, which species of customer would you add to this taxonomy? Let me know in the comments. Also, remember, keep it lighthearted!