As a 30-something in the US, I find myself and my generation in a bit of a strange conundrum. For the first time perhaps ever, our generation is facing a reality where we might be worse off than our parents. This fact is mentioned to us all the time. It’s on the news. It’s in the reports the Department of Labor sends out. It’s in economic and healthcare forecasts. It seems to be everywhere.
How did we get here? How is it that we ended up on this path? There are a lot of answers to that question, but the ones you tend to hear the most about are the Baby Boomer generation growing older, our college loans growing bigger, childcare and healthcare costs skyrocketing, and the economy declining.
It is with these thoughts in my mind that I begin to approach Ann Odle’s topic, which is caring for and relating to aging parents.
The Perspective of the Older Generation
For the generation that is older and maybe not as healthy now as they used to be, the world is an extremely frightening place. It’s no secret that healthcare costs are almost prohibitively expensive for families these days. Too often, we hear stories about a widow or widower being moved to a nursing home after the death of their spouse because no one in the family has the financial means to take care of them any other way. This generation is faced with losing their health, their home, contact with all whom they love, and their independence – and this generation, the generation of the Great Depression and World War II – they are all about being self-sufficient.
It’s also not a secret that a lot of nursing homes are simply places where senior citizens are viewed as people who don’t merit careful and genuine care and companionship. We hear too many stories about errors in treatment or about families who never take the time to visit their relatives. Nobody likes to experience these kinds of scenarios. For the people who are facing this future, the world may seem bleak. It may seem like all they have worked for all their long lives has been for naught.
The Perspective of the Younger Generation
I think for anyone who has aged and/or ill parents or grandparents, the sense of obligation is in perpetual conflict with the realities of 21st century life. Of course you want your loved one to be able to enjoy their remaining years where and how they want to. Of course you want to take care of them. Of course you want to do all you can to show your gratitude for everything you’ve gotten in your life.
Look at how weary most people are these days, however. Look at all of the conversations happening about the battle between staying home with the kids and going to work. Look at all of the conversations about rising costs of things like day care and schools. The undercurrent to all of those conversations, the part that doesn’t get as much focus, is that there are also people on the other end of the life spectrum who need help and care and support. With people working 24/7, with the financial situation in limbo, and with younger generations facing a future without Medicare or Social Security, the stress of wanting to do what is right and not being able to pull it off is immense.
No-Win Decisions
As the older generation continues to get older, and as younger generations continue to get squeezed in all kinds of ways, decisions will have to be made that won’t make anyone feel happy. Older people will find that their children simply cannot afford to take care of them. Assisted Living facilities or nursing homes will become the default answer for a lot of families, and that’s an extremely painful decision for all involved. All people in this country are being forced to choose priorities that are impossible. Do you want to spend your money and time on your children or on your parents? Who needs you the most? Should you go to work or visit your parents or stay home with the kids?
The discomfort that everyone is facing in our culture is unfortunate and immensely sad.
We Need to Talk About This
I firmly believe that life doesn’t have to be this way. There has to be another way. There has to be a way to let people stay in their homes yet also get the care they need. There has to be a way to provide for the older generation while the younger generation grows. There has to be a way to afford both food and medicine.
We just need to figure out how to make all of that happen.
Right?
Image by Joe Zlomek. http://www.sxc.hu/profile/jzlomek
You are absolutely right. I find myself apologizing to my 20 somethings for the world they are inheriting. It is sad all around as this older generation has sacrificed to make this world as it is. And the thanks they get is pretty abysmal. I work with elders and provide caregivers to help when the family can’t. It’s difficult to get them to accept the help they need when it doesn’t come from family. But the family is torn as you suggested.
Margie,
Yes, it is a changed world. One of the biggest problems is that we Waste enough to take care of seniors. Regardless of party, we Can’t Afford an elite class of ‘rulers’ who are paid ridiculous sums for LIFE by just getting elected once – when they Get to Washington, they get into the ‘network’ and Forget who they really work for. Shell games are played with our currency – why should we care about being in debt when our gov’t acts as if it’s perfectly fine and just moves the limits when they’re uncomfortable or unsustainable…
Logic tells us there Cannot be better healthcare by hiring 17,000 IRS agents and an Army of enforcers, without adding a single nurse or doctor… WHAT has Ever worked better in the hands of Government, than through competition in the best system devised yet, for government and business, a Free American one?
You’re so right- this generation is So about personal Responsibility, Freedom and planning for the future – so much the Ants of this world. It’s made us the greatest country ever. And we can bring that back by teaching the grasshoppers.
I see all these charities for children, for all kinds of groups of people, and I wonder does anyone see the needs of our seniors…
From inside the industry, I see a big movement to Smaller ALFs, the group home kind, so that seniors Can age At Home – but not Alone and Isolated. That’s the defining difference. It’s like living in a family, with 6 ‘parents’ that the ‘nieces’ take care of.
At our Angel House in south FL, we take them to Lion Country Safari(drive-thru zoo/preserve) to dances, concerts, we have a Wii, heated/safety fenced pool, patio, computer with webcam, games, books, puzzles, visiting musicians, BBQs and potlucks, holiday celebrations….
We also have fire sprinklers & alarm, grab bars, 24/7 staff, visiting Primary, Podiatrist, Optometrist, Phys Therapy, OT, Speech Therapies, and even Pet therapy, so it’s really an extra Family for support of the senior’s social and physical wellbeing.
Meanwhile, the family can rent out the senior’s home, using the proceeds to supplement Social Security & other funds to pay for the ALF/group home care. Many seniors don’t know they can get VA benefits – even the surviving spouse of a veteran!
The problem for these Smaller more senior-friendly places is we lack Economy of Scale. When we have an empty bed, we struggle financially; with two empty, it’s critical. In an economy like the present one, when people don’t Know the ways they may have to pay for this great care, I think we need to form a network to place seniors and help them find help.
Thus Angel House’ mission, to provide Housing & Healthcare Education and Assistance, Adult Day Care, Social Services and Recreational Activities to Improve the Quality of Life for Seniors and their Caregivers.
It’s a very timely and critical one – but we can’t do it one person at a time. We must get out there & do workshops in churches, community centers and more, to get the word out that there are more hands-on and Focused ways to care for these wonderful people who have given us so much.
Back to America’s priorities, we have to Fix it, as a people – there is no choice.
When Congress and Presidents, not to mention Cabinet members and other ‘advisors’ are Billionaires, there’s something wrong – Of Course they’re disconnected and don’t care about Our reality. Jetting off spending Millions does not go well with a hurting populace. Both parties to it, and it has to stop. It’s good cop/bad cop to the max and I for one am sick of it.
The Seniors are the ones dealing with all this reality. We have let the country get out of control and need to get back to some of the basics that this very generation gave to us, entrusted to us for the future.
Baby Boomers are a huge group and we need to begin to Show Up in Numbers, and to show our kids in their 20’s and 30’s and even the teens, that life is not American Idol. Life in America has always been about the family unit – now we are confused – do the math. We have to cut spending – and cut it for the massive Federal Gov’t First. So many entire Departments can be Abolished, leaving more funding on local and state levels to deal with things like education & healthcare on a Local level and State level, where different areas with different Needs can do different things. This Centralization is too socialist to succeed. The problem with socialism as Maggie Thatcher said, is that sooner or later you run out of Other People’s Money.
let’s Go, America, it’s not only our right but our duty to bring our country back to the example of our parents and grandparents.
‘Great article and a reason for health Reforms, not just pushing money around. Some issues include:
* Consumer Behavior (obesity, smoking, etc.) is a huge cause of rising care costs.
* Tech Innovation is another cause, because it saves lives and helps us live longer, thus stressing the system. But it’s also part of the solution if used right.
* Demographics that we can do little about, including the retiring boomers who live longer and expect more from government & society.
* Institutional Care (Nursing Homes), which is far more expensive than making it safe and comfortable to age in place, an option that seniors want (the vast majority of them).
* Entitlement Programs that were initiated and funded when the average lifespan was 67. Now it’s 78. And it’s trending to over 100, potentially well over.
* Bureaucratic Red Tape that requires personal doctor visits before renewing prescriptions when a high-def video conference would do, or that won’t pay for long term care at home and forces people into nursing homes on Medicaid after spending down their assets.
* Wrong Incentives, with pay-for-procedure or fee-for-service funding that encourages unnecessary testing and plans that treat symptoms rather than provide cures. The new ACOs should help fix that.
* Lobbyists representing wealthy special interests with more influence over public policy than the public.
* A currently polarized and dysfunctional political system more intent on defeating opponents than fixing problems.
PERMISSION REQUEST: Can I republish this article on Modern Health Talk will full attribution, link-backs, etc.?
Another issue and barrier to telehealth or telemedicine is the fact that there’s no standard way to connect to patients. Some still have voice-only land line phones, but these are going away. Others have old cellular phones (voice + SMS text), and some have smartphones with 3G or 4G connections to the Internet. And still others have broadband Internet and VoIP access using wired (DSL, cable, fiber) or wireless (Wi-Fi) connections. So, there’s no One Size Fits All solution, and the lowest common denominator is voice. I say that even though I’m a HUGE iPad2 fan and a BIG Broadband evangelist.
This observation is one that is becoming a reality very quickly. One solution for helping to keep our older citizens in their homes for as long as possible is through the community. Movements like the Village are looking at ways to assist older neighbors manage their daily activities, through transportation to the store or doctors, social activities and local service networks. I am newly involved with the Sausalito Village in California and the work these volunteers have been able to accomplish is amazing.
Many of our older citizens are still very healthy and have wonderful skills to offer these community groups – they actually are the volunteers until they find they might need some help themselves.
One thing to consider, also, is often a move to an assisted living facility is prompted by a short-term problem – perhaps the individual needs rehabilitation for a 3-6 month period. It is a shame that due to lack of services, help by family/friends/community or finances, these people will have to give up their independence, when they could otherwise go back home after their illness.
Lisa Brinkmann
Master’s Candidate – USC Davis School of Gerontology