Ah, the mythical engagement ring. You’ve heard all about it in movies and fairy tales, but, now that you’ve found your special someone, it’s something you’ll have to contend with in a very real way. Where to start? What to look out for?

DIY or bring her along?

As gender roles equalize, more and more couples are taking the trip to the jeweler together. After all, why beat around the bush if she already knows what she wants? This works well for those willing to shirk tradition a bit, but it can be quite the knock for a romantic at heart. Try to get a good read on how she believes proposals should go before loading her into the car, taking her to a jewelry store and giving her free reign.

If she’s the type of girl who wants to be surprised, enlist her family and friends in some spy work. Ask one of her girlfriends to pretend she’s looking for some jewelry herself and casually move the conversation into a discussion of her fantasy ring, or bring her to the jewelry store yourself to look for a watch, taking special note of where her eyes linger. Sometimes, just asking around is you need to do, as many women start dropping hints long before they’ve even met you.

How much should it cost?

Think you need to spend the traditional three months worth of salary on an engagement ring? That, along with a number of other engagement myths, is just a marketing ploy DeBeers dreamed up decades ago to sell more diamonds. While every woman wants to feel like a queen, just what that means varies widely based on her personality and style. And, as a rule of thumb, most will want their new husband to begin the marriage financially solvent.

In general, four to six weeks’ salary will do you just fine. Just like you would when making any big purchase, like buying a house or a car, have your budget in mind ahead of time so you don’t show your cards too quickly. Don’t believe the price hype; any good jeweler can make most anything you choose look great.

Finding the right size

To keep the romance in your proposal high, you’re going to want that ring to fit onto her finger without any problems. Your best strategy for doing this, quite simply, is to sneak one of her rings that she wears on her ring finger away. Borrow one of her lesser worn rings when she’s not around and bring it in to the jeweler, or take photos on your cell phone. While ring size is easily adjusted, that will cost you money and time, so it’s best to get it right the first time.

What’s her style?

Is your honey an understated gal, the very height of elegance, or all about the bling? Pay attention to the type of jewelry and clothing she wears to get a good sense of her taste. Here are a few key style decisions you’ll encounter:

  • Stone – While traditional, colorless diamonds are the go-to for engagement rings. Colored engagement rings are also surging in popularity. This includes emeralds, sapphires, and both black and yellow diamonds, either as the center stone or as accents around the edges.
  • The four Cs – If you’re set on finding the best diamond, check for cut, color, clarity, and carat. Cut refers to the stone’s angles and proportions, which directly determine how much that diamond will sparkle. Too deep or too shallow, and it will look dull. Color is self-explanatory, though you might be surprised that even “clear” looking diamonds are ranked on a scale from D to Z, with D being totally clear and Z being light yellow. Clarity refers to a diamond’s imperfections, including fractures or other unwanted minerals. Look for one with a SI1 or SI2 ranking. Carat weight is how much a diamond weighs. The higher the carat, the heftier the diamond.
  • Shape – Yep, gems come in all shapes and sizes. Round, princess, pear, oval, and heart are some of the most popular shapes, though you can always get creative if you go to a custom jewelry maker.
  • Band type – From the traditional yellow gold band to platinum, silver, rose gold or a mixture, there are almost as many band types as there are types of gems. It’s important to consider how wide and thick you’d like it to be, as well as whether or not your potential fiancée will want you to wear a matching band, in which case, choose carefully.

Get an independent rating and insurance – To ensure you’re really buying what you’ve been promised, have the gem evaluated with an independent source, like the American Gem Society (AGS) or the Gemological Institute of America (GIA). Several large jewelers sell only diamonds and stones that are evaluated by the AGS and the GIA. Most reputable jewelry stores have rings appraised and certified by GIA. And of course, get your ring insured either directly or under your homeowners’ or renters’ insurance.

There’s a lot to think about when you’re hunting for an engagement ring, but it’s well within your reach. Good luck, and happy hunting!