© ABC/Roman Francisco

Everyone knows that communication is key to the success of a relationship, and those of you who are tuning in to The Bachelorette have seen how Emily communicates with Jef and with Arie. You’ve also probably made up your mind on who you want to win based on their hairstyle, fashion sense and chemistry, but have you factored in their communication styles? Have you thought about how Jef and Emily seem to be able to talk about the difficult topics while Arie and Emily just love kissing? Emily seems to be taking this hunt for her perfect man seriously and clearly a relationship based on open communication will last longer than one based on lip-locking!Arie

Arie and his bro-hawk make the most dynamic lady-charming duo in the history of ABC reality dating. His luscious mane and need for speed would make any lady swoon at first glance, but what’s really going on behind those beautiful blue eyes and rich dark hair? It seems as though his “stupid hot” looks may be working against him in this fight to win Emily’s heart. Arie’s one-on-ones are complete with mindless snogging against a romantic backdrop, but lack the emotional depth of conversation that fosters a long-term relationship. This is uncomfortably obvious in last week’s episode when Emily asks him what he does on  Tuesday night and it could not be more clear that his lifestyle would not mesh well with the lifestyle of a mom and a young girl.

While good chemistry is always a plus in a couple, Arie and Emily are seriously lacking in the communications department. Their relationship started quickly as they were immediately drawn to each other, physically that is, but their quick race to the first kiss bypassed the more important part of a relationship–getting to know each other. Arie’s conversations with Emily aren’t personal. Replace Emily with any other blonde and Arie could sing the same smooth tune and achieve the same superficial effect.

Jef

Jef, on the other hand, is very different from Arie. Don’t get me wrong though–he has his own charming style with his skinny jeans and his surprising country personality. Who would have guessed that guy could shoot a gun? And clearly his mysterious air keeps Emily on her toes. However, not too much on her toes–she knows they have the same fundamental values that will keep them close for a long time to come.

Jef’s communication style differs from Arie’s. He took his time getting to know her, causing the biggest build up to the most anticipated first kiss of the season. Jef’s deliberate “friend-zoning” of himself laid the foundation for a fruitful long-term relationship. Though Emily admits that the two got off to a slow start, Jef’s ability to see the long-term potential early on has created a much more intimate and personal feel.

As the Bachelorette, Emily is placed in a position to choose any one of 25 bachelors. Perceiving this position of power, most of the bachelors approached Emily as one of many potential suitors. Jef, in contrast to his fellow bromosapiens, makes the ultimate power plays by turning the tables on our Bachelorette. Rather than allowing Emily to grill him during their date in Curacao, he’s the one asking her the difficult questions; for example, why she hasn’t been able to find a husband even though she’s a great catch. By him asking the tough questions, he is showing her that he takes this just a seriously as she does and he wants to make sure that she is good enough for him. Arie, on the other hand, does not ask difficult questions, which makes him look like he’s not realizing the seriousness of trying to find a lifelong partner. But it is true that when Arie and Emily are together they can’t seem to get enough of each other, but their lack of deep communication makes it look like they are in the honeymoon phase, which we all know can’t last for long…