As we know, Bingo callers come up with a few strange names which are mainly traditional and go a long way back in time, like “on its own, Kelly’s eye – , number one” etc., and just in case you’re wondering, that one’s supposed to be some kind of reference to Aussie outlaw of old, Ned Kelly.
So it’s high time we brought a few of these calls up to date with a few celebrity references.
How about “Royal salute, 21” for Royalty-obsessed Lady Gaga, for example? Or “David Beckham, number seven” for everyone’s favourite former England star – and “Skinny legs 11” for his emaciated partner in life Victoria (though we could also have gone for “chicken legs” with the same number!)?
Better still, how about “Getting Plenty, number twenty” for actor Ashton Kutcher who has been seen snogging of late with 28 year-old Ukrainian-American beauty and actress Mila Kunis at a wrap party for Ashton’s latest film, a biopic of the late Apple founder Steve Jobs?
Meanwhile, Ashton is going through a messy divorce from ageing actress Demi Moore following reports of his cheating late last year. Demi recently wound up in hospital after having an apparent seizure while smoking some unknown substance – so she’s clearly “Did you score?” And/or “Do you want some more – 24?”
Now for Rihanna it has to be “Bunch of fives, 55” after she shared a secret recent liaison on board a luxury yacht in the South of France with Chris Brown – the same man who beat her up in 2009 and was given community service as a result.
Then there’s “Monkey on the tree, number three” for alleged weenie-whacking actor, 78 year-old Fred Willard. Fred was recently charged with lewd conduct after being caught with his genitals exposed at a Hollywood theatre!
Meanwhile Kaitlyn Leeb has to be “All the threes, 33” as she will star as a three-breasted hooker in the Total Recall remake of the 1990 version which starred Arnold Schwarzenegger, and recently unveiled her assets at a photo call.
“One little snake, number five” then goes to singer Peter Andre who says he had his penis pierced back in the 90s and says it was painful. What did he expect!?
And last but never least, former Queen Vic landlady and star of countless Carry-On films, Babs Windsor qualifies for “two fat ladies – 88” in honour of her two most famous and enduring assets – as opposed to her waistline. Barbara has kept herself in great shape and appropriately appeared recently promoting the fast-growing Jackpotjoy bingo sites.