iPad Mini: Some EXTREMELY Hard-Hitting Analysis Of Apple’s iPad Mini Event. Not.

I watched Apple’s press conference this morning planning to work up my traditional enterprise-themed blog. See my reactions to the launches of the Microsoft Surface, the iPhone 5, Samsung Galaxy S IIIiOS 6, etc.

But I got distracted by Glenn Fleishmann, who was, as usual, leading the #fakeapple commentary on Twitter. It’s total Inside Baseball stuff, but hilarious for anyone watching the press conference live on The Verge or ZDNet.

That got me thinking…

The iPad Mini is 7.9 inches, announced CEO Tim Cook. Those worker strikes must really be affecting the precision of Foxconn’s factories, as the iPad Mini gained 0.05 inches along the way from rumor to reality…

iPad Mini: Some EXTREMELY Hard Hitting Analysis Of Apples iPad Mini Event. Not. image foxconnworker2

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“To drive home our collective dissatisfaction, we also decided to make the iPad Mini case pantone grey color 422. Rather than 421.” 

Also, Hard CandyGumdrop and every other case manufacturer that had the BRAZEN AUDACITY to release their iPad Mini case before the event, they are SO screwed…

iPad Mini: Some EXTREMELY Hard Hitting Analysis Of Apples iPad Mini Event. Not. image screenshot2012 10 23at8 38 05am v12

 

Nope, not going to fit anymore…

Credit: CNET

Actually, Apple should have rounded up the iPad Mini’s screen to 8 inches. EVERYONE knows  the number 8 is lucky in China, Apple’s  no. 2 market, and other Asian cultures (it rhymes with the word for generating wealth)…

iPad Mini: Some EXTREMELY Hard Hitting Analysis Of Apples iPad Mini Event. Not. image treasure chest2

 

That’s right, 8 rhymes with the word for “Treasure chest full of gold-foil-wrapped chocolate coins” in Mandarin. Or something like that.

Slate magazine’s Farhad Manjoo tweeted, “Nobody loves taking photos with their iPads. I mean, some people do, but those people like Nickelback.” Well, I think tablets make PERFECT cameras for seniors (no problems with tiny viewfinders here!). And I don’t know a single grandpa or grandma who loves Nickelback…

iPad Mini: Some EXTREMELY Hard Hitting Analysis Of Apples iPad Mini Event. Not. image ipad011

I hear 55-year-old Spike Lee loves shooting with his iPad so much that the next “Spike Lee Joint” is going to be filmed in digital HD with an iPad and edited in iMovie.

100 MILLION iPads Sold! Someone’s got their right pinkie in their mouth…

iPad Mini: Some EXTREMELY Hard Hitting Analysis Of Apples iPad Mini Event. Not. image tumblrmc9gi1q6jy1rvzu9do15001

Meanwhile, casually letting slip that you sliced your finger on the razor-thin screen of your new iMac is going to become the new humblebrag. Like papercuts for d-bags…

iPad Mini: Some EXTREMELY Hard Hitting Analysis Of Apples iPad Mini Event. Not. image 82

Not THOSE kinds of papercuts…

Whether consumers flock to the $249 Samsung Chromebook or the $1,199+ MacBook Pro this Xmas should be an official federally-tracked economic indicator, and part of the CPI (Consumer Price Index)…

We could call it the CLI – ‘Consumer Laptop Index’. For accuracy’s sake, we should have Jack Welch track it…

Thanks everyone, you’ve been a great crowd. I’m here all week…

PLUG ALERT! SAP has created a quick online quiz to see if your company could benefit from using enterprise apps. It’s created by the interactive geniuses at Jellyvision, and is narrated by a fellow who sounds just like Monty Python’s John Cleese, so it honestly is quite painless and, dare I say, almost fun, to take.

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